I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
