After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
