3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
