some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
