Three words: puerto rican gang bang
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
