Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
