Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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