Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
