Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
