babies were throwing up all over the place
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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