I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
