She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
