So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
zippers are such a cool invention
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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