I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
