Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
