If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
smell my finger.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
