I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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