my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
high people should be assigned attendants
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i now understand why vodka
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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