The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
