we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
