When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I will pee on everything he values.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
