Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
