You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
