My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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