watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
