I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
