bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
