Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
