ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
