Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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