Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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