Little spoons don't ask big questions
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
