the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
