I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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