you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I had to cum in my sink.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
