I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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