I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
