I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just pee around me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
