SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
