I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
