He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
