And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
