fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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