...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
