i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
