I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
