I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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