You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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