I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
