NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
