I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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