No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
