im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I could fuck to npr.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
