about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
