hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
