Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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