Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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