the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
