anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
