I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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