Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
