thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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