Sry I called you an 8
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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