yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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