I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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