you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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