Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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