dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
