Got a toothbrush?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
