i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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