vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize