Im at strip club and am horny
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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