I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
