You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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