it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
