well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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