I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
