I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
