is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
