I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
