he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
