so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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